The Power of Boo
Optional Sound Effects
Angry? Frustrated? Don’t camp with the Occupy Wall Street crowd when you can express your displeasure immediately with a one-word commentary–Boo. Succinct, Boo conveys dissatisfaction, irritation, even moral dissidence with a colloquial tang difficult to heckle, because it is, itself, a form of heckling. There is great power in a well-spoken Boo.
For instance, when steering your WalMart cart toward check-out, a fellow shopper snakes his cart in front of yours. You:
A) Avoid eye contact and slump into line behind him.
B) Ram him with your cart.
C) Declare, “Booo” with furrowed brows and a slight and slow shake of the head.
Despite your subsequent action, the errant shopper inevitably perceives your scrutiny with poignant discomfort, especially if adjacent shoppers have heard you. People tend not to dispute Boo. Boo expresses displeasure with no further explanation required. It is more effective than the over-used Ouch, the nebulous Brutal, and the socially-alienating curse word. Boo also does not engender violent rebuttal like a curse word or ram of a shopping cart might, thus avoiding physical altercations which commonly arise during the festive holiday shopping season.
Additional applications of Boo include:
When you catch your teenage son drinking from the milk carton: Boo loudly enough to startle him, then hand him a mop-up towel.
When your significant other walks out mid-argument: Boo while propelling a decorative throw-pillow at the door.
When opening a sub-par holiday white elephant gift: Boo with a half-smile as you set it at your feet (effective only if said party is not work-related with a chance that said gift is from your employer).
When children bicker: Boo with a frowning head-shake while escorting them to time-out.
When the dog is caught lying on the couch: Boo in a guttural growl with bared teeth and frantic arm-flailing as you rush toward the dog.
When your dentist informs you that the filling replacement he performed on your molar has just become a root-canal-crown procedure: Boo subtly, so as not to offend, but to convey concern regarding the ensuing $1,200 financial hardship; then ask about a payment plan.
When you come upon a group of middle school boys surrounding one single boy wearing a terrified expression: approach the group on foot, invading the leader’s personal space, and Boo several times, loudly, leaning forward with crossed arms, staying within the child’s personal space as he backs away. Booing may subside upon the group’s dispersal.
Perfecting the use of Boo affords you the ability to express your dismay without social or legal liability. Caution must be taken, however, when using Boo in regard to the I.R.S., law enforcement officials, mechanics, food service workers, and members of the Tea Party.
jillwellock 